realization

i lived an unsure adolescence. i latched onto the first form of sustenance to come my way. i enjoyed a set plan. then it fell out from underneath me. i pretended to pull myself back together. walked the walk. talked the talk. but i had no idea where i was going. that was ok. i found everything i cud need to numb my brain from ever wondering aloud: "what the hell am i doing?" that didn't matter, i didn't care to care.i lived in the prime.made bad decisions. top of the mtn top. i avoided feeling feelings. it was better that way. but it couldn't last. had my brain been attached where my head was supposed to be i would have recognized the warning signs. i jeapordized my life. i mortgaged my soul. but that didn't matter to me. until one day i woke up beside a brooke n realized i had no idea where i was. who i was. i started looking under rocks and pebbles to find a clue. i wandered down the stream to hope for some sign of civilization. i refused to meet the gaze of the animals for fear they might talk to me.i was blinded by the sun, moon, n stars. i turned my back to search for answers. i stood amidst the gulf of people, in the heart of their concrete jungle sorely praying one would pluck me out, make it all make sense. in silence i yelled for recognition. but, had a hand picked me up and told me exactly what i needed to know, i still wouldn't have gotten it. no one could have explained that what i really needed was simple understanding. i wasn't lost all that time. i was right where i needed to be.i wasted a lot of time looking for a simple frame of mind. now i just want to return to that brook, listen to the animals, bask in the sun, appreciate the moon and stars.